And In The Next Issue: Cartoon Prenups!

After nearly 65 years of bachelorhood, Archie Andrews, the protagonist of the famed “Archie” comic book series, has finally decided to propose to rich brunette, Veronica Lodge - choosing her over girl-next-door Betty Cooper. Good news for all those men who have always wondered how long you can date two girls simultaneously before having to seriously commit to one of them, and hoped the answer was ‘a crazy-long time’.

Correction: It has been brought to our attention that men who seek relationship guidance from comic books are almost certainly never going to need to worry about having a woman in their life, let alone two to choose between, and as such the previous article may be disregarded.