Culture Clash

Two nuclear submarines belonging to the French and English navies collided in a narrow trench of the Atlantic Ocean this week. The official report calls the mishap a freak accident, but many claim that the collision could have been avoided if the French submarine’s sonar system was not programmed to ignore any signals received in English.

Don't Tase Me Bro, Bro, Bro, and Bro!

Although still early in its proceedings, the official inquiry into the death of Robert Dziekanski at the hands of four taser-wielding RCMP officers has revealed a number of surprises, including this excerpt from the RCMP training manual:

Section 5.2
Justifiable and Proportional Taser Deployment Scenarios:

5 Officers vs. Visible Minority Removing Wallet From Jacket too Quickly
4 Officers vs. Polish Immigrant Wielding Stapler
3 Officers vs. Hippie Pointing Finger
2 Officers vs. Old Lady Shoplifting
1 Officer vs. Quadriplegic Refusing to Put Wheelchair Seatbelt On
1 Officer vs. Crying Baby in Movie Theatre*

*In this scenario, the mother of the perpetrator (infant) has a tendency to becomes irrationally upset. If this occurs, the officer is permitted to taser her as well.

Somebody Needs A Time-Out

R&B singer Chris Brown was charged on Thursday with assault and making criminal threats after allegedly beating his girlfriend Rhiana. The police report includes details of Brown repeatedly biting Rhiana, and at one point putting her in a headlock - proving that Chris Brown not only looks like an 8 year old, but fights like one too.