The Daily Indigestion - All the News That's Fit to Satirize - Following in the footsteps of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Onion, and SNL's Weekend Update, The Daily Indigestion takes on the news and entertainment stories of the day with a skewed view and a sharp wit. All original material, nothing recycled.

The Daily Indigestion

Following in the footsteps of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Onion, and SNL's Weekend Update, The Daily Indigestion takes on the news and entertainment stories of the day with a skewed view and a sharp wit. And it's all original material - nothing recycled.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Don't Tase Me Bro, Bro, Bro, and Bro!

Although still early in its proceedings, the official inquiry into the death of Robert Dziekanski at the hands of four taser-wielding RCMP officers has revealed a number of surprises, including this excerpt from the RCMP training manual:

Section 5.2
Justifiable and Proportional Taser Deployment Scenarios:

5 Officers vs. Visible Minority Removing Wallet From Jacket too Quickly
4 Officers vs. Polish Immigrant Wielding Stapler
3 Officers vs. Hippie Pointing Finger
2 Officers vs. Old Lady Shoplifting
1 Officer vs. Quadriplegic Refusing to Put Wheelchair Seatbelt On
1 Officer vs. Crying Baby in Movie Theatre*

*In this scenario, the mother of the perpetrator (infant) has a tendency to becomes irrationally upset. If this occurs, the officer is permitted to taser her as well.
Posted by The Cranky Optimist at 8:57 AM
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About this Blog: Following in the footsteps of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Onion, and SNL's Weekend Update, The Daily Indigestion takes on the news and entertainment stories of the day using the tools of comedy, satire, and humor. All material is original - nothing recycled.