Indiana Seniors Keep Clinton On Life Support

Voters over 65 deliver a squeaker win for Hillary Clinton in the Indiana Primary that would have otherwise sealed the Democratic nomination for Barack Obama. One elderly woman commented on her key role in the upset, saying, "That'll teach you young whipper snappers to stay off my lawn. Now where is my pudding coupon? I was promised that if I voted for her I'd get a coupon for pudding! I don't care for chocolate pudding anymore. It used to taste better in the thirties. Butterscotch, now there's a pudding flavour. Do they still make McMurphy's Butterscotch Pudding? They don't? Well isn't that a shame. The world is going to pot. Yessiree. Straight to hell in a handbasket. First pudding, then the bomb, and now viagara. If I wanted my husband to take an interest in my lady parts at this age, I'd stick a can of Ensure up there. Oh there's room alright. I wish they'd print the Ensure labels larger though. You can barely read them anymore, what with all the tiny charts and ingredient lists. That reminds me, have you seen my glasses? I thought I had them with me but... Oh heavens to betsy! They're right on top of my head. Honestly sometimes I think I'd lose my nose if it weren't attached to my... my... oh what's that word? The uh... drat. I've lost it. No matter. Time for my nap anyway."